One plus One equals Three:
Couple-related reasons to pursue parenthood
When a couple decides to get together and plan their future, they may consider building a family and having children, but, according to the World Health Organization, 1 in 6 people suffer from infertility. There are a lot of different reasons for such a diagnosis – male factor, female factor, idiopathic (unknown) factor, and even mixed factor infertility. But no matter the diagnosis, couples suffering from infertility face challenges that other couples may not.
Coming to terms with and embracing the “why” you are struggling is as important as understanding and agreeing on the “when” and “how” to proceed with treatment.
1) To deepen a bond
People may desire to become parents to deepen and/or celebrate their partnership through co-creation. As relationships grow, for some, having a child feels like a fundamental part of that growth. Having a child, then, becomes a commitment that bonds two people to each other as partners, not just to the child as parents.
2) “Just” for enjoyment
People may also choose to pursue parenthood simply for enjoyment, pleasure, enrichment… Having a child and developing a parental role can be seen as a fun part of life. Focusing on the positive aspects that one expects to experience as a parent, is a healthy and happy experience for couples (but do not forget that parenthood is a life-long, demanding, and challenging role).
3) Genetic continuity
People may also desire to pass on genes, knowledge, values, and traditions to their offspring. For some, the genetic link is of extreme importance, whereas for others not as much or at all. In different moments, of the journey towards parenthood, many people are faced with hurdles that allow them to question this importance and change the way they previously looked at and felt about it (check gamete donation).
4) A social stepping stone
Reasons for desiring parenthood can be heavily be linked to social expectations and pressures, such as equating parenthood to achieving status, going through a rite of passage to adulthood, and/or being fundamentally feminine (getting pregnant) or masculine (impregnating). These matters and people’s beliefs about them may be very deeply rooted in their sense of self and community as well as impact their well-being greatly.
5) To “fit in”
Couples may decide to have children to be like other couples. It is well known that people often feel pressured to “keep up” with their peers. For some, this desire to be like others is an influential factor in their decision-making process of becoming parents. The perception of the possible consequences of being “left out” can be explored in therapy.
6) Trying to heal the past
Others also mention wanting to mirror their own childhood – if it was a happy one – or improve and/or heal from their own childhood experience through being parents themselves. If you are in the latter category, consider getting the help you need to heal before having children.
Want to explore your dreams of parenthood?
Reflecting on why you want to become a parent before you do may help you in many ways. For instances, preparing properly and becoming exactly the type of parent you want to be, becoming more understanding of who you are and what you would like your life to look like. To help you with this journey of self-reflection and discovery, contact me at beatriz@efp.clinic or book a session here.
Check out more of Beatriz’s work via social media.
Enhanced Fertility Programme was founded by Andreia Trigo RN BSc MSc, Fertility Nurse Consultant, giving you access to personalised fertility diagnostics and care.
